I am furious right now, and I am not apologizing and ashamed for feeling the way I do.  Feelings are very human and very necessary for our life survival, so they are never wrong.    It is what we do with these feelings that determine the positive or negative health affects and effects on us and others.  Now today on social media (Facebook and my personal blog) and in real-time, I am sharing my feelings and beliefs about Friendship and what that means.  

        Friendship to me is not a trend or a trinket; Friendship is a genuine, sincere, valuable, healthy, wholesome fulfilling gift and treasure that you give to someone and they give to you.    I have a very small circle of true friends, and they know who they are because not only have I told them, but I have shown them what my and their friendship means to me.   I never take them for granted and they never take me for granted.  These are the people who are like family to me, hell they are extended family.   These are the people that when and if I am doing (or saying) something wrong or unhealthy, they have no problems telling me that I am wrong and what I am doing (or saying) is wrong and unhealthy.  They don’t care if I get mad, disagree with them, fuss with them, or when I think in my stubbornness and with arrogant confidences, that I am right.    In moments of reflection and hindsight,   I discover that in those times of adamant stubbornness and arrogant confidence when I thought I was right, in reality and truth I was wrong.  It is my family and my true friends that in those moments stand by me (and sometimes in  frustration) until I get it right.    They do not use me, abuse me, manipulate me, use emotional blackmail, lie to me, deceive me, or have hidden motives or intentions for me. These are people that sincerely care when I am off kilter, or off level, share in my joys and sorrows,  participate and share  in some of my family gatherings, they know my family members,   and tell me when I need to straighten up and fly right and pull myself together, because at the moment I am acting bat shit crazy.   They don’t care about saving face with me, because they  genuinely  love me and care about me enough to  tell me what I need to hear and not what I want to hear.   They are the ones that say to me, “Girl, you know what you said or what you did was wrong and that ain’t you.”   They have no problems saying, “be who you are and not what the world thinks or expects you to be; do you.”   They will not ever let me fall by the wayside and when and if I do, they are there to help me get the hell back up and move onward and forward to what is good and right for me.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my circle of true and close friends got my back always come what may and no matter what, because they know I will always do the same for them.

      Let me tell you folks how you know you have true, close friends.    True friends will never say to you (or about you) and to your loved ones (family, close friends, and significant other) “Well, he or she is grown and I’m letting him or her be grown.”  That is FUCKING BULLSHIT.    To the intelligent and observant mind, the translation for anyone that says, “Well, he or she is grown and I’m letting him or her be grown” is this, “Look I am in this to get what I can get out of him or her, and anything else significant is for his or her silly, crazy, stupid ass and y’all to deal with.”    If you doubt that what I am saying is true, then feel free to test my theory.  I am sure that when and if you do, you will find that I am correct.  You see folks,   GROWN does not mean MATURE and they are NOT the same.  GROWN means you are of age to know right from wrong, and in knowing this, you are responsible for your actions and the consequences of said actions.   You own your actions, thoughts, behavior and consequences, and you are accountable for them.   MATURE is something you get from life experience and life lessons.  Maturity is wisdom and understanding to know who and what is healthy, truly good, and positive in your life for your health and well being.  Maturity is what keeps you alive, while merely being grown is playing a game of Russian roulette.

        On the next level (rung on the ladder) of my friendship circle are acquaintances and associates.  These are people that are cool (and I am cool with) and I occasionally out with. We share common interests and conversations on various things.  They are people that I have met online line or in real time.  This difference between them and my close friends (extended family) are the following:  (1) they are not ones that I share my deepest or dark secrets, desires, and feelings with, for I don’t have that confidante relationship with them.   (2) I don’t share my life ambitions, goals, and objectives with them (3) they have limited knowledge of my family members and things happening or happened in my life and (4) seldom do they have the privilege of being around my family members, because I was taught that if you can’t bring folks to meet your family, then God, heaven, and the universe is telling you something.  Understand that   I’m not saying that acquaintances and associates are bad people (they are not bad people) for me they just aren’t people that I allow in my innermost sanctum.   I don’t know how it is for you, but for me trust, loyalty, honesty, truthfulness, respect, and having good, healthy values are very important.  NO, I do not trust people at face value, because a wise woman and a wise man know  most certainly that TRUST  (just like every worthwhile thing in life) is earned and a  privilege.  It is not freely given.  For me, if you want me to TRUST you then prove that you are TRUSTWORTHY.    There are a lot of liars, scammers, con-artists, and phony people in the world, and if you listen to your spirit and your soul (what some call instinct and gut feelings) then you can tell and know these dishonest people from   honest people.  A person can change many things about herself or himself, but the one thing that never changes is his or her true nature.   If you doubt it, feel free and by all means test my theory.
 

   In closing, I leave you with something to think about and with a pearl of wisdom from my Great-Aunt Lillian Jewell Hamilton.    My Auntie Lillian said, “Show me your friends and I will show and tell you who you are.”   Some years now I lost a beloved younger cousin, because of something he and his friends did.  They had a habit of going behind the levee to hang out, and be mischievous (as teenage boys do) and to fish in a boat that someone left behind.  They had done it so many times, they thought nothing of it. To them it was good, harmless fun but one day that harmless fun ended in tragedy.  On that tragic day, the river was high and the boat capsized.  My cousin fell into the Mississippi River and was pulled downward by strong currents, and he drowned at the age of sixteen (16).  His lost hurt me to my very soul and I still have my moments of grieving his death.   I miss his laugh, his pranks, and all that could have been.  I haven’t forgotten him; I just learned to deal and cope with the grief and lost.   For a long time, I was angry at the sheer stupidity of him and his friends’ choice in engaging in an activity that ended in his death.   I was angry at him for dying and his friends for living.  I was angry at them all, because I felt they should have known better and most certainly that someone in that circle of friends would have the good sense to say, “No we had better not, this is not a good thing.”  I am not angry anymore and it took a long time for me not to be and to forgive him, his friends, and me for blaming myself for not being around when they went to the levee on that day.    

What I learned from the experience was this: (1) what we do (and not do) does indeed affect others and (2) Family and true friends are NEVER to be taken for granted.   We (none of us) are perfect, but we live to the best of our ability and knowledge.     I am spending the rest of my day in meditation, prayer, fasting, and activities that bring me joy, because I refuse to entertain and give life to negative energy, people, places, things, and circumstances/situations.  These negative feelings are not welcome, and have no place in my life.  I am too blessed to be stressed, and I  have too many wonderful things, people, and places to experience.  Have a wonderful day and love, peace, positive light and vibrations, and bright blessings to you.